Wednesday, 09 May 2012

Friday, 04 May 2012

  • 残り物

    i buy gifts for people, and don't give them away.

    i write letters, and for one reason or another, don't send them.

    i think of words, and don't speak them.

    ...

    there are a lot of leftovers in my heart.

    sometimes things make it out.

    but often enough...they don't.

    ~*~*~*~

    3 months already.
    such a short time.
    such a long time.

    I miss you.

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

  • Pursuit of God

    by A.W. Tozer

    O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace.

    I am ashamed of my lack of desire.
    O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee;
    I long to be filled with longing,
    I thirst to be made more thirsty still.

    Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, that so I may know Thee indeed.
    Begin in mercy a new work of love within me.
    Say to my soul, "Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away."

    Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus' name, Amen.

    Psalm 27

    Lord, I would trust Thee completely;
    I would be altogether Thine;
    I would exalt Thee above all.

    I desire that I may feel no sense of possessing anything outside of Thee.

    I want constantly to be aware of Thy overshadowing presence and to hear Thy speaking voice.

    I long to live in restful sincerity of heart.

    I want to live so fully in the Spirit that all my thoughts may be as sweet incense ascending to Thee and every act of my life may be an act of worship.

    Therefore, I pray in the words of Thy great servant of old, "I beseech Thee so for to cleanse the intent of mine heart with the unspeakable gift of Thy grace, that I may perfectly love Thee and worthily praise Thee."

    And all this I confidently believe Thou wilt grant me through the merits of Jesus Christ Thy Son. Amen.

Monday, 23 April 2012

  • a "lesson in life"

    And some clever commenter then replied:

    "And the audience tied the wise man.
    They hit him once and he cried a little.
    They hit him twice and he cried more.
    They hit him three times and he cried still more.

    And the audience answered to the old man: 'We cry for the same thing over and over again because the pain grows, [while] the fun can only decrease.'"

    Touché.

     (I do think the wise man's question is one worth asking, though.)

Thursday, 12 April 2012

  • it was a dark and stormy night..

    I mean, it is a dark a stormy night.  Lots of lightning, lots of thunder, heavy rain.  The usual.

    I'm graduating in exactly a month.

    May 12.

    Ohmygoshhhhh this "mini-Judgment Day," as Pastor Ed so delightedly calls it, is coming at last.

    There were times I never thought I'd see the day, but here it comes, here it comes, so quickly does it come!

    Time to think about....life after graduation.  The real world.

    (sudden turn)

    Life quite often feels like a dark and stormy night, upon an endless wave-tossed sea.

    Again and again a question from earlier this semester comes back to me: will you be a great vessel that can withstand stormy seas and give shelter to others, or will you be a small boat on a little pond?
    Will you accept the tumultuous realities of existence and prepare for them as well as you can, or will you hide yourself in the eye of the storm, imagining that you have peace and control, all the while turning a blind eye to the raging chaos that surrounds you?

    Here in Berkeley, I've had four years in safe harbor, greatly sheltered despite the storms that have blown through.  Next year, I embark again into the unknown.  Will I return to floating about aimlessly, or will I have convictions sufficient to anchor me when I re-discover safe harbor?

Monday, 12 March 2012

  • realise

    that it's time for real closure.

    knowing the truth is immeasurably better than living in delusion--the delusion of my own goodness, righteousness, and perfection.  It's bad to be tempted by something possible; it's worse to be tempted by something utterly unreal.

    I messed up, and these are the consequences.

    If only I had known sooner.

    If only I could go back to that day, that night, and keep things from going too far.

    I was a fool.  I am a fool.  I'll be a fool again, but hopefully never again in this way.

    "Sin will take you further than you want to go. It will keep you longer than you want to stay, and it will cost you more than you want to pay." (anon.)

    a heart-breaking truth.

    ~*~*~*~

    Lessons to remember, in this aftermath:
    -What will I pay attention to?  What I've lost, or what I have?
    -Consider the consequences, for you and for others; especially when you know you're doing something you've committed not to do.
    -Rejection hurts (my, how it hurts), but you've got to learn to take it.  Understand how rejected people feel.
    -Tell the truth, even if it's scary, speak it lovingly, as soon as you can.  We need truth; to live a lie is death.
    -God is bigger than anything wrong in my life and wrong in me; He has overcome, He has rescued me.  He is always faithful, and He will lead me through this, until I am finally home.
    -There are things that I can't fix.  I can only pray and trust that Jesus will make a way, and do what I cannot.

wishangel144

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    • Name: Jo
    • Location: Berkeley, California, United States
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 8/22/2003

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